Before my husband, I thought another man was the one.
From the beginning, all the red flags were there. I should have left months earlier, but young love is known to be blind.
I was cheated on, and I was the one who paid dearly for it.
Because I figured out his dark secret, he slapped the words from my face.
Because I fought to protect myself, I was beaten more.
He poured poison into my mind and it broke my spirit.
“Who could love you“
“You need makeup to look beautiful”
“Stupid, desperate, bitch”
“You need professional help if you think I’m doing something”
“You’re not good enough”
“You’ll never going to amount to anything. You’re too stupid”
“I can’t stand you”
“I don’t give a fuck what happens to you”
“You deserve this”
He was allowed to see, do and go as he pleased. If another man gave me the time of day, another blow to my face. I can’t name anything worse than waking up and still be in the clutches of the nightmare that put you in the darkness.
I suffered unimaginable grief alone.
Too scared to tell anyone.
Too ashamed of it.
I lost trust in men.
I lost faith in myself.
Years have passed.
Years of my husband and I breaking down the walls and chasing the nightmares away.
When we couldn’t take all the pain away ourselves, I reached out for help. Therapy was the only way I could stop the mirrors from singing his ugly lies that he used to break me down with.
PTSD can be found in so many different experiences. Because of what I endured, I have triggers just like others that can send me back to his clutches and untruths.
This will always be some part of my life…
I fight to make this story end with how I survived, how I became aware of my own strength and fought like hell to get away from that nightmare. My story won’t read about a weak woman who stayed a victim to a man that was selfish, cruel and weak.
My story is how I healed and found myself stronger.
If you’re suffering from the hands of someone else; find an ounce of courage and tell someone. Get help.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: